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Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis and his white and fragile war against critical race theory are getting more ridiculous every time he opens his mouth about the academic study he knows nothing about. The man who doesn’t think systemic racism is a thing despite him literally proposing to rearrange his state’s congressional map to give Black people less voting power just seems to see CRT in every dark corner of his white nationalist world. DeSantis probably spends his nights tucked tightly under his bed covers whispering to an imaginary Bruce Willis therapist, “I see critical race theory.”

So, what’s the latest target of DeSantis and the Florida education system’s crusade to protect white feelings at all costs?

Math textbooks.

According to Axios, The Florida Department of Education has announced it has rejected dozens of math textbooks submitted by publishers because they “contained prohibited topics” including critical race theory.

Out of 132 math books, 54 (or 41 percent) were banned after they were reviewed by the department and found to be “impermissible with either Florida’s new standards or contained prohibited topics.” Out of those 54 books, 28 were “not included on the adopted list because they incorporate prohibited topics or unsolicited strategies, including CRT,” according to a statement by the department released Friday.

From Axios:

State Gov. Ron DeSantis (R) in 2021 directed the Florida Board of Education to ban CRT in public schools, despite it not being taught in any public school system, including Florida’s, Axios’ Tampa Bay’s Selene San Felice writes.

Details: Most of the rejected books were for elementary schools, according to the education department’s statement.

The department said it’s “unfortunate that several publishers” had “ignored” the 2021 directive and “attempted to slip rebranded instructional materials” into books, while others “included prohibited and divisive concepts such as the tenets of CRT or other unsolicited strategies of indoctrination despite FDOE’s prior notification.”

“It seems that some publishers attempted to slap a coat of paint on an old house built on the foundation of Common Core, and indoctrinating concepts like race essentialism, especially, bizarrely, for elementary school students,” DeSantis said in a statement praising the department for its vigilance in making sure 1+1 doesn’t equal white people getting the heebee jeebees.

Of course, Axios noted that the department “did not name the rejected textbooks nor provide examples of passages that failed to meet the criteria.”

So, what exactly was in these math books that caused such a stir in the department’s white-tears-o-meter? Well, there’s no way of knowing, so I’ve taken the liberty of compiling data through a whitey-rage algorithm in order to provide my best guesses for what “racially charged” math equations Florida just couldn’t abide:

1. If Johnny used 6 feet of rope for each of the 4 negros he lynched, how much rope did he use in all?

2. If Jamal had 5 apples and the white man took away 3 because white people don’t get a White History Month, how many apples will Jamal have left before said white man eventually comes back for all of them?

3. If 5(x+4) = 6x-3, please solve white supremacy for Malcolm X.

4. Karen called the police on her Black neighbors for minding their own business 4 times on Monday, 6 times on Tuesday, and 32 more times throughout the week. How many times total did KK-Karen call the cops and why the hell is 911 even still answering her calls at this point?

5. Susan was asked how many white hipsters it takes to gentrify an inner-city. This wasn’t a math question, we were just wondering how her week has been going.

6. If a white person had 9 racist bones in their body, how many Black friends do they need to pretend to have in order to knock that racist bone count down to zero?

GOPropagandists like DeSantis only ever seem to be able to see a race issue in America when there’s potential for white people to be offended. Something about that narrative just doesn’t—wait for it—add up.


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Florida Bans Math Textbooks That Include CRT  was originally published on

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