Has Scrabble Gone ‘Woke’? Well, No, But Fox News Hosts Believe It Has

Listen: We really didn’t need any more examples of Fox News being the No. 1 media outlet for old, curmudgeonly white people who think everyone is too overly sensitive these days but also wet their tighty-whities over Black national anthems and people kneeling during sporting events.

We didn’t need any more proof that the conservative “news” station serves as the MAGA world’s most popular drug pusher, supplying its fiends with their daily fix of anti-woke fearmongering so they can shake their decrepit fists at the TV screen over whatever new, progressive thing they find themselves irritated by even though, in most cases, it’s something that has no practical effect on their lives whatsoever.

MORE: Elon Musk Calls Oscars ‘Woke’ Until He Realized How Many White People Won

Anyway, here’s a bunch of fictional journalists on a real “news” segment complaining that the classic board game Scrabble has gone “woke.”

That’s right, good people, the group of right-wing bobbleheads that make up The Five are calling woke shenanigans on Scrabble because the game’s manufacturer, Mattel, has banned the use of racist and anti-LGBTQ+ slurs to score points in the game and because the company created a new version of the classic word game marketed to millennial and Gen-Z players that focuses more on having fun with friends and family than on competitive scoring, although it does still have competitive scoring.

From LGBTQ Nation:

The popular word-spelling game recently released a new European version called Scrabble Together. The new version allows players to play in teams, challenges players to spell certain kinds of “goal” words (like a word containing two of the same letter), and provides hints for improving players’ skills. The new version also has the classic Scrabble game board, with its color-coded scoring, on its underside.

“Scrabble has truly stood the test of time as one of the most popular board games in history, and we want to ensure the game continues to be inclusive for all players,” Ray Adler, vice president and global head of games at Mattel said in a statement. “For anyone who’s ever thought ‘word games aren’t for me’ or felt a little intimidated by the classic game, Scrabble Together mode is an ideal option.”

It’s worth mentioning, of course, that the original Scrabble game still exists, so, it’s not like it has been replaced by the new version, but that didn’t stop The Five from taking a non-issue and turning it into another sign of the woke-pocalypse.

“Scrabble is dumbing itself down for the woke,” said host Jeanine Pirro, who loudly and wrongly added that the game has a “no more scoring option so that no one’s feelings get hurt,” which would still be wrong if it weren’t obnoxiously stupid because people can still win and lose in Scrabble Together.

“They have removed certain words,” Pirro said. “They banned racist and LGBTQ slurs from the tournaments, but there are also new words, you know, that the woke generation would be very comfortable with. So is this more about wokeism, this new Scrabble, or is it about … ADHD and the fact that they need friends and they need hints and they can’t spell?”

Jessica Tarlov, who is clearly the group’s more sensible panelist, said the banning of bigoted slurs was a good thing adding, “I think we can all agree on that,” which may have been true if she were on any other network than the one that exists for the sole purpose of making white nationalism sound smart, which it comically fails at, but none of its viewers appear to be in on the joke.

So, Tatlov’s co-hosts dismissed her notion that they can “all agree” that using “porch-monkey” to earn a triple word score is bad by responding, “Not so fast!” and “Be careful, Jessica.” Then they went back to complaining about the new version of the game and its perceived failure to appropriately teach its players about “life.”

Tarlov said she believes Mattel created a “lighter version” of the game because “Scrabble can be a tough game.”

“So is life!” co-host Greg Gutfeld, who admitted he has never even played the game, replied. “Playing a game without scoring—even if you suck at something—is so anti-human. It’s like scoring is part of your DNA. Y’know? You need to keep track! I’m the world’s worst tennis player… I love keeping score when I play tennis, even when I lose 6-0 because I need to keep score.”

Aaaaaand there you have it—recreational board games need to teach life lessons, and since life doesn’t have an “easy” difficulty setting, Mattel is failing our youth by creating a game they actually want to play. (Also, if you’re wondering if Gutfeld is even smart enough to play Scrabble, note that, with a straight face, he declared that “scoring is part of your DNA.”)

“I’m surprised this new Scrabble didn’t come with four trophies, so everybody feels they won,” Pirro added. (It’s always interesting when the same people who defend Confederate flags and monuments whine about participation trophies, and, in this case, non-existent ones.)

At the end of the day, conservatives, including Fox News hosts, can’t define the word “woke,” but, somehow, they see “wokeness” everywhere. The Oscars are “woke” whenever too many non-white actors and directors are winning awards. Bud Light was “woke” because it aired an ad with a trans person in it. Apparel companies went “woke” when one featured a disabled woman in a wheelchair in an underwear ad. Disney is “woke” because Minnie Mouse was temporarily dressed in a blue and black polka dot pantsuit instead of her classic red and white polka dot skirt. M&Ms are “woke” because the cartoon M&Ms in the ads are no longer “sexy” enough. Math books are “woke,” because—oh, I don’t know—whatever white tearsy Florida logic Gov Ron DeSantis and them came up with for that one. 

Meanwhile, all Mattel did was create two co-existing versions of a game giving players the option of playing either, and Fox News hosts, who are clearly struggling to find new ways to make their viewers irrationally angry, are reaching to turn it into a negative thing.

It must be a slow news day for right-wing propagandists, because—seriously, WTF are they talking about?

SEE ALSO:

Video: ‘Libs Of TikTok’ Karen Gets Laughed At By College Students While Failing To Define ‘Wokeness’

Investigating The Origins Of Word ‘Woke’ And What It’s Meant To Black People

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Has Scrabble Gone ‘Woke’? Well, No, But Fox News Hosts Believe It Has  was originally published on newsone.com